He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize