I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
