I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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