yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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