My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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