Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
