I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
