dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
