Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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