So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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