you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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