And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
