I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
