She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
