I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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