I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
whose parrot is this?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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