My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
