I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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