If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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