He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
