FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
40s are totally the cure
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
