I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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