Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
