his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
