I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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