The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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