i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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