So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Operation Purity has been aborted
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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