ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
