I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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