dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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