soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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