haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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