I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize