can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
