So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
