Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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