yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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