Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize