I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I FOUND THE LEGS
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
