This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
