and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
