Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize