One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
