your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm always down for nudity.
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