Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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