franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
