you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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