It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
