Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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