btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
