Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
