1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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