Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
