i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
