i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
