So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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