i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
