just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize