Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
