Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
