Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
