why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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