Don't you send me to vm
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
