I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
