ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
