hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
