ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
