mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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