someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So vagazzling was a success
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
