It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
bring money and cleavage
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
