Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
