How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
