i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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