yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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