In the future we'll all be gay
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
