His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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