im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
