Already got asked if we're dating
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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